My Dad & ALS | 52 Weeks of Gratitude

My dad has ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). He was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. If you don't know what ALS is, it's a terminal neurodegenerative disease that affects the nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord that control voluntary muscle movement. It eventually leaves a person paralyzed and unable to breathe on their own. 

It probably seems weird for me to say I'm thankful for such a terrible disease, but it's not the disease itself for which I'm thankful. It's the lessons that it has taught me.  

I was a daddy's girl up until I hit my teenage years. We butt heads A LOT during those years (everyone says because we're so much alike) and our relationship left much to be desired. Then I moved away for college leaving things as they were. As his health started declining, we lost several close family members, which taught me how much I should truly cherish my loved ones. I moved back home to be closer to my family and help out. 

That was before my dad was diagnosed, when we had no idea how serious his condition was. Now, I'm one of his primary caretakers, along with my mother. The opportunity to take care of my father full-time could be seen as a burden, but I choose to look at it as a blessing. The time I get to spend with my dad is something that can never be replaced, and it has brought us much closer than we were before I moved home. I know that regardless of the sacrifices I have to make to take care of him, I will never regret my decision to do so. 

I am not sure that I could list all the things I've learned (and am still learning) through this process, but these are a few that stand out the most at the moment.  

We take small things for granted, and we shouldn't. I'm talking about things as simple as brushing your own teeth. Things we don't even think about because they're just so normal they don't seem very relevant. It's easy to thank God for new jobs, new cars, and material things. However, when you watch someone lose their ability to be independent day-by-day, it really stresses how important these seemingly small things are. Before this, I never considered that there are people who wake up realizing they can no longer feed or dress themselves. I'm sure my dad would give almost anything to be able to do those things for himself again. 

Life itself is a miracle. I'm sure we've all heard "tomorrow is not promised" time and time again, but how many of us can really say that we live every day like we might not wake up tomorrow? I am certain most people don't, including myself. At least, I didn't before this experience. It wasn't until death visited my family multiple times that I truly started to recognize how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken away. Elements of my father's life slip away on a regular basis. It not only makes me grateful for each day he's still living and able to laugh & talk with me, but it also makes me grateful for each day I am given to wake up - especially with my health and abilities.  

Love is not always pretty or easy, but it is always a choice. The world likes to portray love as this perfect, sweet feeling that just yields constant happiness. If something doesn't always make you happy or feel good, it's not really worth it, right? Wrong. Now, I can't say that I ever believed that lie, but I know I did not realize how hard truly loving someone can be either. Love is much more than a feeling, it's actions. It's charity. This is easily one of the most challenging situations I've ever faced. I believe it's worth it though. 




My best example of love's ability to look like an ugly, painful choice would be Jesus choosing to die on the cross for his love for the world. I cannot truly claim to be Christian if I'm not willing to try to love like God loves me. I love people so much differently now. I'm less likely to get hung up on petty issues. I would rather cherish who I have, while I have them. And I would encourage you to do the same. Don't let tragic circumstances teach you that. 

Thanks for reading & following along as I try to become a more grateful person. I hope each post isn't this hard to write, but I am certain that my readers will get to know me a lot better by the time this is over. 

Is there anything you're grateful for that may seem unusual? 

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52 Weeks of Gratitude

A whole year of intentional gratefulness. I am challenging myself to this. 

I have seen this kind of challenge in many forms. From a few days or a week, to the whole month of November, the Thanksgiving season always brings it out of people. Which is great because we should all take the time to reflect on what we are grateful for in our lives. Recently, I have decided I need to make this more of a habit. Sometimes, in life, it's harder to find things to be grateful for than others. Especially when things aren't going as planned or as we think they should. 

Currently, I am trying to learn how to "be content in whatsoever state I am" (Philippians 4:11) and that's definitely not the easiest thing to master. For me, at least. I know that being grateful is one of the best ways to achieve this. The thought of doing this challenge for a year makes me hopeful for change. I think that this intentional gratefulness has the power to completely change my perspective on life and that's what excites me about it. I found this quote and thought it just reinforced the idea behind why I want to do this challenge.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."  - Melody Beattie 

I love the concept of that quote and I really believe in it. 

This week, I reflected on how extremely grateful I am for my family. My parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts... all of them! I have a large family, which I recognize is a blessing in itself. But I don't just have a large family; I have one that is very close, sticks together and truly supports one another. In this day and age, that's rare. My family has changed a lot over the past few years - loss, sickness, relocations - so things definitely don't look like what they did before. Although that's hard, I'm still very thankful for the bonds we share. I recognize that many people don't have the loving support system that I do, which makes me more grateful for it.  

I realized in writing this that I've never shared a pic of my fam here before! This is a pic of me with my sisters and my parents. 

With Thanksgiving having come and gone, I thought this was the perfect time for me to start this challenge. So, every week from now until next Thanksgiving I will be sharing something for which I am grateful. I did actually find some prompts for this challenge, but I don't think I'm going to stick too closely to them. I will probably use them when I'm needing some inspiration. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday with their loved ones! What were you grateful for this year? 

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A New Mindset on Goals

I feel like it's been forever since I've blogged!  I've missed it! Yet, I suddenly had virtually no time to even think of editing my drafts, creating new posts or answering emails. Life! The past 3 weeks have been filled with some serious changes and I've been crazy busy trying to transition my life accordingly. Have you ever thought you had an idea for how something was going to work out, only to realize Jesus had other plans? It's the story of my life I tell ya! 

I'm grateful for a God that thinks enough of little, old me to order my steps, even when the path He lays isn't easy or what I thought I wanted. Sometimes it's hard not to be stressed when things are completely out of your control, but I found peace in my faith and trusting God's plan for my life. I love knowing that God has a plan that far exceeds my own dreams. 

It's excellent to have plans & goals for yourself, in fact, everyone should. I, however, can be kind of rigid and, at times, hard on myself because of them - which is definitely not the best way to be. I have to make room in my plans/goals (no matter how well-intentioned they are) for detours. I have to be humble enough to stay open to the fact that my ideas will sometimes be shattered to ensure I stay in line with God's plan for me. I read this quote today and think it fits perfectly:

"Going all out for God is not just about getting where God wants you to go - it's about who you become in the process. It's not about how quickly you get there - it's about how far you go... It's going the distance, finishing the race, and remaining faithful." - Mark Batterson 

Of course, this is bigger than my usual workout-3x-a-week or moisturize-and-seal-my-hair-type goals (ha!). It's a life lesson that I am constantly learning. But even with those smaller goals, I feel there is room for improvement in the way I go about them.  All of my monthly goals are about creating ways to get to bigger goals - being healthier, more consistent... a better me. While my checklist approach has been fine, I don't know that it's the best. I came across this post by Nadege of Relaxed Hair Health about new ways to think about setting goals and thought it was ideal timing for helping me analyze this. 

I want my monthly goals to make me feel like I'm closer to accomplishing my bigger goals; whether they are spiritual, about my hair, my blog or what have you, that is the idea behind them. I want to be in a constant state of transforming into a better me, recognizing that sometimes great transformations come from failures. So, while keeping the same kind of goals in mind from February, I am going to reach for them without a specific list of how-to's. This week, I have been asking myself each day what I can do to get closer to a goal and it's been great. I am also going to give myself a longer period of time before reviewing. Instead of going over goals again a month from now, I'm going to wait for two months and then decide how well this approach is working. We shall see! I'm excited. Hope you all have been well :)

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Juice/Daniel's Fast Conclusion

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I finished my fast at the end of September, so this post is a little late. I wanted to take some time to kinda reflect on the experience before writing about it though. (You can find my initial post about it here and my update during it here, which I had some issues posting, but I believe all is well now) There's so many directions I could go with this and so much I could say, but I decided to just pick a few things that I felt were close to my heart during this time. I think sometimes we all need to be reminded of things we've heard before and know to be true, but still struggle with making them our realities. Here's my top three:

#1 - Either pray or worry, you can't do both. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpassed all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I think this is much easier said than done. It's probably safe to say that the majority of all people, regardless of their religious beliefs, cannot say they live a worry-free life. We worry about everything and anything, even though, as Christians, we shouldn't. In prayer, we have the opportunity to lay down all of our fears and anxieties, and pick up the peace of God. As amazing as that is, it is so hard to follow through with. It takes some serious trust and child-like faith. You know the kind young kids have in their parents, where they can be carefree just with one word from mom? Yea...I need to be like that with Jesus. I found during this time, being faced with situations completely out of my control, I had no other choice but to trust God. I had to pray and let it go or things would've probably driven me crazy. However, even when things seem to be in my control, I have to have that same attitude. Tough stuff.

#2 - Stop, breath, and count your blessings. "Sometimes we have so much to do and so many deadlines to meet that we forget this one simple part: stop and take a breath. Jesus, himself, often went away from the crowds to get alone with God.  This is how he maintained his relationship with God.  This is how he stayed in tune with God.  This is how he was continually able to hear God clearly, by taking time away with God. If Jesus needed to do that on a regular basis, so do we." - Kim Potter

Those words hit home for me! The state of perpetual busyness is something I find easy to get stuck in. It often seems like there's not enough time in the day to get things we NEED to get done, done. Even sleep evades me at times! But if it's one thing this period of consecration has honed in on for me, it's the importance of just taking time for God. Taking time to take a deep breath, to think positively, to pray, to realize how blessed you are in spite of the current things you may be going through, to hear what God is saying to you or to just thank Him. And it doesn't have to be a lot of time, it just has to be a priority. I've realized that, sometimes, the things I get so caught up with, won't even matter in the long run. But taking time to maintain my relationship with Jesus (and my sanity at times) is something that will never perish.

#3 - Redeeming the time. "Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise, [intelligent] people. Making the very most of the time [redeeming each opportunity], because the days are evil. Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17

At work and even in school, I am great with time management. In my free time, or after a long day though... not so much. Sometimes, I just don't feel like doing anything! And as a result... nothing gets done lol! Granted, everyone needs their lazy times, I know I can do better. I just proved it to myself during this period of time. So now I can't let that standard down. Living on purpose is the goal. 

I think writing about this experience was really encouraging for myself. It caused me to think through things in ways I might not have ordinarily and for that I'm grateful. And if you followed along/got something from it, I'm grateful for that as well! 

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Juice/Daniel's Fast Update

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I talked about my juice/Daniel's fast a couple weeks ago, and think now is a pretty good time to do an update. I thought the hardest part was going to be drinking only juice initially, but I've come to find that the partial fasting is more challenging for me. When I was doing research about juicing fasts, many people said day 2-3 were the worst. If someone were to give up, these would be the days that would make it happen. I couldn't agree more! I had headaches, was nauseous and had a number of other sickening symptoms. 

I'm pretty positive if I hadn't read so much before I started I would have thought I was getting sick and given up. However, when you're feeding your body nothing but nutrients, it begins flushing out all the negative stuff you've ate that has just been sort of "stuck" in your body. This flushing results in all the unpleasant things I was experiencing. Detoxing. Those feelings were enough to motivate me to eat better period, even once this over. To know that there are toxins just chilling in my body that can make me feel THAT bad is pretty disgusting to me. It doesn't matter how young I am or how fast my metabolism is, I've got to do better. That's gross!

As I transitioned from juice only to the Daniel's, I found a whole new appreciation for eating itself. It was funny in a way, the simplest thing of just eating, is something that can be taken for granted. Even though I feel like I'm just eating nuts and berries, it's so much more fulfilling than not even chewing anything! The funny thing is that now that I am eating again, my body is craving everything it can't have: sweets, meat, fried foods, dairy... I think my body adjusted to juice only by day four, but there is no adjusting to this partial deprivation stuff.

One thing I am learning is about how much self-control I do (or don't) have. Denying my basic human desires is hard and I'm getting more frustrated with things that normally wouldn't even bother me, but when I do I have to remind myself of the origin of those emotions. And essentially get over myself, which is what this is all about. It's a struggle that I'm trying to embrace because it wouldn't be a sacrifice if it wasn't. Sometimes I feel like I am accomplishing nothing, but at the same time, it's become easier to deny myself other things that I usually struggle with like budgeting, eating out, shopping and wasting time. I think because my body and mind are so focused on the basic things that I'm not giving in to, these other things are not even phasing me. That coupled with feeling like I am more focused on my relationship with God and drawing closer to Him, has me motivated to continue. 

During this time, I have watched God move miraculously in the lives of close family members who, by medical reasoning, should not be alive. I don't think being on this fast made this happen; I think being focused on Christ when things seem to be falling apart has allowed me stay positive and be extremely grateful just for life itself. I am at the point now where I am going to start slowly adding things back into my diet to prepare for ending. First dairy then in a week or so bread and then I'll be done. I am way too excited about cheese and milk! haha! As always, thanks for following along with me and reading!

(Note:this post was reposted due to some issues I had with posting it initially)

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My Juice/Daniel's Fast

 
I started a fast recently and I really wrestled with whether it was something I should share on my blog or not. To me, fasting is a very personal thing between you & God, and maybe people who are close to you. It's not something you just go around telling everyone... enter my hesitation. But my blog is also pretty personal; it's a glimpse into my life and a journal of sorts. When I was researching juice fasts, I stumbled upon a very encouraging blog where someone described their 40 day juice fast. This is what sparked the idea to blog during my own fast. 

I also began to think about the fact that my blog is not just meant to be about outer beauty & hair. If you've read the about the blog page, you know the name of my blog comes from the scripture:

"So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him." - Psalms 45:11

And a quick glance to the right will also let you know this is about my journey to becoming the person Jesus wants me to be on the inside, too. So now, it just seems fitting that I should begin to share a bit more of myself and my faith, by being transparent during this period of fasting. 

In case you are not familiar with the biblical principle of fasting, the purpose of spiritual fasting is to consecrate (set aside) a specific period of time to drawer closer to God and hear from him. It is not designed to move God or gain favor/get Him to do something for you, but rather to move you closer to him by removing distractions and disciplining yourself. By sacrificing the most basic human need of food, you feed and strengthen your spirit through prayer and meditation on the Word of God. Simply put, fasting directs our hunger toward God and requires a large amount of self-control as you deny the natural desires of your flesh. 

Initially, I will be only drinking all-natural, fruit & veggie juices. Then I will move into a Daniel's Fast. This is the fast described in the book of Daniel, that he went on in chapters 1 and 10. It's a partial fast, where you abstain only from certain foods, with plants being the basis of all eating. You eat only fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes and avoid all meats, sweets, fried foods and breads. There are variations of this fast that include or exclude dairy. I've never excluded dairy before, but I will for the majority of this time. 

Most Christians will agree that there is always room for improvement in their relationship with Christ. We go through valley experiences where we learn how much we truly need and must trust and depend on God. Our love for Him grows deeper. Our prayers are answered. Guidance and breakthroughs are received. I need that, my family needs that, we all do at some point. That's where I am. And if anyone is encouraged by my journey, thank God. 

 
If you would like to learn more about fasting and/or the Daniel's Fast in particular, here are a few resources:

• What does the Bible say about fasting? 
• The Power of Prayer and Fasting 
• 7 Basic Steps to Successful Fasting & Prayer
• The Daniel's Fast 

Happy Labor Day! Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday!

 

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Consistency & Faithfulness

 

My oh my ... my last post was almost a month ago! After I had every intention of starting to post regularly. So, what happened you ask?? Short answer: my church went on consecration for 21 days. For anyone that's not familiar with this term, consecration is a time of fasting, praying and devotion to God. It's a time to eliminate distractions and grow develop a closer relationship with the Lord. It was an awesome experience and a great way to start the new year off!

I don't think I would have the same outlook on this experience if it weren't for the fact that I stuck with it and forced myself to follow through day after day after day. Even when I didn't feel like it. That in itself was a lesson learned. If I am consistent and faithful in working to achieve goals, I will reap the benefits of it. Simple right? Consistency and faithfulness are such common words.  Yet, they can be really hard to apply to our everyday lives. Everyone wants to either eat healthier, start exercising, have healthier skin and hair, or even pray and read their bible more, but for some reason we fail to turn the actions it takes to reach those goals into daily habits. 

Consistent: steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.; unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time

Faithful: strict or thorough in the performance of duty; steady in allegiance or affection; loyal, constant

I don't think we give enough credit to the small things. Making small changes in our behavior can have big effects in the long run. For example, I moved about six months ago and my face hated me for it. Never had so much trouble with breakouts in my life. I've also never had a skincare routine. I have tried a few different things, but I haven't kept up with them. About a month ago, I bought an all natural facial cleanser and committed to use it twice a day. It didn't take very long for my face to clear up and my skin looks SO much better now! Twice a day for less than 5 minutes and I'm on my way to healthy skin! Lol I totally sound like a lame infomercial! Now I kinda freak out at myself if I don't wash my face correctly. 

Sometimes doing what it takes to form life changing habits seems like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be that way. People feel they don't have time to start a whole healthy hair regimen or diet or exercise daily. Ok, then don't. Start moisturizing your hair while you watch your favorite show. Take the stairs a few more times than you usually do. Stop eating a cinnamon roll for breakfast every morning and eat some yogurt (Melanie!). There are small changes we can make one at a time to reach our goals. Once one thing becomes a habit, add another. It works! I know when I get such simple advice it makes me want to roll my eyes. Like when you hear the key to growing long, healthy hair is patience(ha!), but it's the truth nonetheless.

For this month, I have to figure out ways to: 

1. Post AT LEAST a few times a week
2. Exercise 2-3 times a week
3. Eat healthier during the week 

I think I'll start there for now. I've already got lots to update on here so reaching number one should be the easiest of the three. Let's go!

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